6/8/06

// feeling :: still a little irritated
// prayer for :: Tuesday's NDP celebration at FMSS

Well, I went for CHC's 17th anniversary with Gab and Daniel. It was really fun but I hate the fact tt I cant be responsive and tt I cant sing. But on the whole it was really great. Although Gab left early for FCBC service and Daniel seemed indifferent.

After service wanted to go with Belle, Mike and Lamb go eat, but Lamb got his cell grp and Maggie, Weikeong, Alissa came along and they agreed on eating at Cineleisure foodcourt and since we were at Wheelock, I decided to leave them and go to Border's to look for a new Bible ^_^v

I spent a long time looking..And when I found one that was satisfactory, it was alr quite late. I got another book too: The complete idiot's guide to FAITH.

I'm so battered in my faith lately thanks to my throat. Belle prayed for me before we went into the stadium, and I asked her to pray for me again before service started. She hugged me tight and prayed for me until P&W started. These few days, I'm really thankful for her. I duno what my spiritual life would be like if I didnt have such a sister.

I juz came back from the doctor's. He said I had laryngitis =.= because I didnt recover fully from my "sickness" n the germs attacked my throat as a result. I do hope the medicine he gives me will help me recover fast. My english oral is coming up and I duno what I'd do if I cant take it.

I used to think laryngitis is only found in comic books lolz.. I duno if I should be thankful I got to experience this or what.

I gotta admit, my fuse was short since I lost my voice. I got so irritated with myself that I juz complained and complained in my mind and to others as well.

I want to really thank Belle for her patience and her care towards me. She prayed for me, she put up with my temper, she took care of me..And when I said I wanted to be alone, she didnt believe me. Yeah, no one wants to be alone..And I for one, hates loneliness. I juz wanted someone there with me to understand my predicament and juz be there physically with me. But I rejected her..I alr spoilt her mood for FOP. I wonder how she's doing now..

I wish I could regain my voice and go for FOP. Tonight's the last night; it would be the best of the three. Argh!!!

I saw Lamb doing sign language in service during P&W. I stopped clapping my hands and just stood there watching him. Its such a beautiful thing.. I wanted to ask him to teach me a little so I could communicate with the rest after service, but he was gonna be with his cell..

Just now, after I parted from her at Orchard, she msg-ed me saying that when she saw my frustration and saw me cry, she juz wanted to cry with me. She understands me la..Like a true sister. And that made me realise that if Belle, with whom I was separated from for almost 2 years, can comprehend my feelings, what more . . . would God understand?

He knows my feelings and my thoughts. So far if this is a test of my patience and faith, like Belle said, I failed with zero marks.

I hope that Belle doesnt think that I've not recovered because her prayer wasnt powerful enough. It was powerful. What was lacking was my belief. I didnt believe He would heal me. My impression of God changed..I thought that if He loved me enough, He would heal me the moment I ask Him.

Look at me now..I'm turning my back on Him just because He didnt give me what I want. What a spoiled brat..What an insolent child.

Looks like..I need to do some soul-searching tonight. I need my faith back. I dont want it back, I need it back. I cant fall from Him anymore.


List of things I'm going to do when I fully recover:
`eat KFC
`drink ice milo
`drink cold Green Tea
`sing my heart out during P&W
`say a huge thank you to Belle!
`go Old Chang Kee
`go SweetTalk!
`hehe and lastly, thank my Lord Jesus Christ =)